Right in the Privates

Each year the Newbery Medal is awarded by the American Library Association for the most distinguished American children's book published in the previous year. Susan Patron won the 2007 Newbery Medal for her book “The Higher Power of Lucky.” Normally, this honor results in a big payday for the author as libraries order multiple copies and plan events to celebrate a superior work of kid’s literature-- but there’s trouble right now in River City. In a nutshell, the issue is the word “scrotum,” which appears on the first page of Susan’s book.

As Mayor Shinn’s wife would have said in “The Music Man,” the River City Library has a big Balzac problem. Susan’s book is now being boycotted by some due to its accurate portrayal of canine physiology.

Lucky Trimble, the book’s heroine, hears somebody explain where his dog got bit by a snake. This reminds me of one of James Herriot’s stories, where he describes the torment endured by one of his most pious clients. The man struggles to chastely describe exactly where he got kicked, without compromising his moral beliefs:

“Right in the privates, Mr. Herriot!”

Dr. Seuss never won a Newbery Medal, but maybe, if he had, Green Eggs and Ham might have been a different story...

Bad Words in Books

I am Sue
I am Sue
Sue I am

That Sue-I-am!
That Sue-I-am!
We do not like
That Sue-I-am!

Do you like
Bad words in books?

We do not like them
Sue-I-am
We do not like
Bad words in books

Would you like them
On page one?

We would not like them
On page one
We’d much prefer a
scrotal shun
We do not like
Bad words in books
We do not like them,
Sue-I-am

Would you like
a pup’s nutsack?
Might you like
Some words like that?

We do not like
A pup’s nutsack
We could not like
some words like that
We would not like them
On page one
We’d much prefer a
scrotal shun
We do not like
Bad words in books
We do not like them,
Sue-I-am

Would you like
A doggy bag?
Might that help
Your tails to wag?

Not doggy bag
Not pup’s nutsack
Not Lassie’s purse
Not Fido’s flaps
We will not read them here or there
We will not read them anywhere
We do not like
Bad words in books
We do not like them,
Sue-I-am

Would you? Could you?
I won a prize!
Read it! Read it!
With your eyes.

We will not
Read it
With our eyes.

You may like it
You will see
Buy it for your
Library!

We will not, can not put it there.
We do not want it anywhere.

We do not want your doggy bag
We do not want your pup’s nutsack
We do not want your Lassie’s purse
We do not want your Fido’s flaps
We will not read them here or there
We will not read them anywhere
We do not like
Bad words in books
We do not like them,
Sue-I-am

Say!
Treasure chest?
Dog Treasure chest!
Might some words like that be best?


We still don’t like them
and protest.

We do not want your doggy bag
We do not want your pup’s nutsack
We do not want your Lassie’s purse
We do not want your Fido’s flaps
We will not read them here or there
We will not read them anywhere
We do not like
Bad words in books
We do not like them,
Sue-I-am

You don’t like them.
So you say.
Read my book first
And then you may.
Read it first, please I pray.

Sue!
If you will let us be,
We will read it,
Then we’ll see.

Say!
We like scrotums in books!
We do! We like them, Sue-I-am!
If you write a good story
And doggy gonads are the key
Who are we to disagree?

Since jewels, encased are much like books:
Precious words, held within
The cover’s name is not a sin.

We do so like
Your Lucky book

Thank you!
Thank you!
Sue-I-am!