Saturday, March 3, 2007

Proof or Consequences










Forensic Experts At Work

The Golden Age of CSI dazzles us with the latest advances in forensic science. DNA testing can provide juries with irrefutable evidence-- the only problem being that nearly everyone who serves on juries lacks sufficient knowledge of genetic science to refute anything placed before them by DNA professionals. We the ignorant must trust the expert, who gleans and interprets.

Just in time for Lent the Discovery Channel has received a sweeps-week epiphany and will soon reveal to the world that the J. Christ family’s burial plot has been discovered in Jerusalem. Christians will be shocked to learn that our savior did not actually ascend into heaven as proclaimed in the gospels, but instead was boxed up in an ossuary and currently molders in a Jerusalem warehouse under the auspices of the Israeli Antiquities Authority.

This news is guaranteed to put a big damper on Easter celebrations worldwide, and trumps the demotion of Pluto on the scale of biggest letdowns in recent memory.

Any television docu-drama that challenges the religious beliefs of 2 billion people is expected to present a panel of experts who (for a few pieces of silver) will provide the show with a patina of professional authority. In this endeavor the Discovery Channel has spared no expense, hiring archeologists, historians and DNA experts. The captain of this titanic production was James Cameron, who not only produced “The Jesus Family Tomb” but also directed a certain movie featuring a ship that currently sits on the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean. That Titanic was designed by experts, proclaimed unsinkable, but promptly sank-- so much for the opinions of experts.

For "The Jesus Family Tomb,” director Simcha Jacobovici’s paid professionals cobbled together a case that puts Jesus into a nice little box instead of at the right hand of God. Untroubled by the historical significance that two billion people on earth may have bet the wrong theological horse, Jacobovici calmly asserts that "People will have to believe what they want to believe."

This, of course is exactly why I will join two billion of my fellow Christians on Easter Sunday to celebrate the resurrection of Christ, despite any evidence presented by the Discovery Channel to the contrary. After all, Hebrews 11:1 tells us that “faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”

And, for the record, I also believe that Pluto is really a planet.

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